How to avoid a toxic "situationship"
"I took a deep breath then clenched my fist to hold back my tears from falling down my face. "I didn't mean for you to find out this way…. I love you too, and no it isn't just about the sex… you mean more to me then that" he said. He then leaned closer to pull me in and kissed the tears rolling down my cheeks … after minutes of awkward silence, I pushed back from his hold. There was a heaviness in my chest that I couldn't ignore "I can't do this anymore… I'm tired of the back and forth" I yelled, I lifted the covers to break free from his bed, then rushed out the door so fast that I didn't realize I had dropped my phone until I reached the middle of the hallway. He then came from behind me, I turned around, and he said "here... you forgot this ….comeback so we can talk" I thought maybe he had all the intentions of loving me and didn't know how to ….maybe it will be different this time? Before I could answer him, he grabbed my hand and led me back to his dark screen lit room."
Sounds familiar huh?.. This story happens more often then not at all, many people can resonate with going back and forth to a person you should of left a long time ago. . How often do we go back to a toxic situation thinking that the person may change to find out that nothing has changed at all? This concept is similar to playing a game at the casino. Just as you would put coins into a slot machine, you'll find yourself putting in so much more into the relationship, only to gain inconsistent rewards. And just like a game at the casino, it becomes addicting because you don't want to risk walking away in fear of losing. But in the end, the "house" always wins.
However, A situation-ship or friends with benefits relationship can only survive without becoming toxic, under certain conditions. Step 1) See other people, step 2) outsmarting your biology, i.e. avoiding sleepovers if that's what gets you attached, step 3 ) communicate your feelings especially if they change and encourage your partner to do the same. The last step is crucial because having a secret crush on someone your intimate with is complete torture.
Communication and or transparency is vital when it comes to avoiding a toxic situation. People who love us deserve to know the fullest truth about who we are and what we are capable of in a relationship. You deserve to know that truth too. It goes both ways if you know what you want and what you can commit to sharing it. Who's for you will respect your boundaries and stay and whoever doesn't, wasn't meant for you in the first place.
People change and might grow apart and thats okay you have to learn to love someone enough to give them that space to grow. And if it becomes to much, its better to let go then to drag on a dead relationship. Avoiding a toxic relationship requires you to be completely healed and whole too. Take time to heal, learn and grow learn your partners love language so you can be a better lover. Learn to recognize the red flags to ensure your partner is giving you what you need. If someone is verbally/physically abusive, isolating you or being negative, don't be afraid to walk away. You deserve someone who will respect and support you, not a 2 am a booty call if thats not what you want. As hard as it might be to walk away, you'll thank yourself in the long run. Better days are coming you just have to be open to it.
One of the greatest feelings is walking away from someone who no longer serves you. Turning down a toxic D**k appointment takes an abundance of self-love that you are more than capapable of accomplishing. Especially when you realize that you don't need that boy because your lonely and crave attention. Love doesn't exist with someone who doesn't love YOU outside of getting them hard. Toxic relationships come in many shapes and forms some harder to get out of. Have a positive support group of friends you can trust, learn to love yourself first and find out what you want and how you expect to be treated. Knowing your worth is the ultimate f**k boy repellent.