Dating Tips 101: Lori Harvey is My Dating Guru
This post isn't about Lori Harvey's dating life, who someone is seeing or isn't seeing is none of our business, but that doesn't stop me from considering her to be my dating guru. While her Stepdad, Steve Harvey - might have written the book "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man" Lori has demonstrated for us, what this could look like, for a woman in there 20s. She is reported to have dated several men at once such as Trey Songz, Future and Justin Combs, to name a few, even posting one of her lovers on her Instagram, then deleting the post once she stopped seeing him. The best part of it all is that she handles herself with class, by ending things scandal-free, even if she's scrutinized by her former flings. Nothing seems to ever phase her - The female empowerment is unwavering here. She's a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it or leave it, and that is the type of energy needed in our generation today. I use to dread the thought of going out on dates. I had a hard time figuring out what to wear or what to say. The thought alone, use to give me a heat wave of nervous energy just tesselating through my body. But now, I consider myself a serial dater, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, and in the process of my different dating experiences throughout the years, I've learned a lot about myself and others. So with that being said, before you go on you 1st 2nd or 3rd date I've compiled a couple things you need to know in order to have a successful day or night out with your crush.
Date when you're ready and know what you want.
Make sure you're ready to jump back in the dating game ONLY when your completely healed from you're past. Trust me if you have someone else on your mind you won't enjoy yourself and the other person will notice too. So this means letting go of any past lovers still lingering in your mind, its not fair to waste anyone's time. It's important to be completely transparent with people, they should know what you're looking for and you should know what their looking for in return. If you're looking for something, serious, casual, or an open relationship etc, let that be known. At the very least people deserve your transparency to avoid getting hurt in the long run.
Make a list of your likes and dislikes
It's important not to be too picky, about what you're looking for in a man. Setting expectations that are impossibly too high is a set up for failure. The truth is there are even things about ourselves, that other people may find annoying. Everyone has their faults, it's what makes us human. I suggest you make a short list of your likes and dislikes in a man instead, followed by one dislike your willing to compromise with. Keep this list in your mind, before you go out on your date. In doing this it makes it easier, to ask questions that align with what you're looking for. For example, if you like a guy who is ambitious and goal oriented, ask them "what are your goals?" and "where do you see yourself in 5 years?". Have an idea of some open-ended questions you might want to ask as well, in order to get to know your date on a more personal level.
Dress to impress
Don't put to much pressure on yourself when it comes to this, but try your best to put effort into how you look from your head down to your toes. Trust me your date will notice. Definitely, dress up for the occasion based on the location that you are headed too. When you know you look good you often feel good too and it will show within your mannerisms. If you were asked out, chances are he already loves your style and men are visual creatures so they will notice anything out of place. Plus your first impression will really set the tone in how the date goes.
Now that you look your best, its time to be your best self, by bringing your confidence along with you. Men like women who are confident and independent, but not that "I don't need a man" confidence they need to feel needed in some way. It's important to have goals and ambition, it's your time to show that off, but don't be cocky about it, humbleness is a virtue. Your date is probably just as nervous as you are, so its really important to take your time to ask open-ended questions, listen to what they say and be flirty too to keep things interesting. Everyone wants to feel special, so why not make your date feel special too. Try to listen for some happy memories they might share with you from their past, then bring up important things that they say back to them, to show that you have taken an intrest in what they have to say. For example saying " I remembered you told me you went to universal studios in Florida when you were 10, have you been back there since? what other places have you travelled too or want to travel to in the near future?". Also, you can't go wrong with giving compliments, eye contact, a warm smile and a light touch or hug if it's appropriate, is essential to show that your comfortable with them. Besides your words, your energy will feed off your dates energy too, so that means if you decide to be open and confident your date will too. In doing this you both should come into your element and the date should flow a lot easier. Dates are meant to be fun, so enjoy every minute of it. And if in the event that you're not enjoying yourself, also be confident enough to end the night early, at the end of the day you come first.
Don't just date one person at a time.
Unless you are 10000% sure he is the one then skip this step( but don't skip this step ). I've always admired the biblical way of dating, where a lady is courted by several suitors until she finds the one who is worthy of marriage. Ideally, this would make sense, but times have changed, however, we still can adopt similar ideologies like dating more that one person at a time. Dating is the interview process in relationships, to save your time, interview several candidates for the job at once during a short period of time, rather than one at a time, and if the application doesn't quite fit the criteria for the job, then on to the next. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone either, date every kind of person you can think of, whether their short tall, wide or slime it doesn't matter. Treat dating like a buffet, you may not know what you like until you try it. In this process, you can learn so much about what you like, don't like and what your willing to tolerate. Thats why its also so important to listen to what they say, and see if their actions follow. This dating phase should last no longer than 3 months, this gives you just enough time to figure out if the man your dating is worthy of your time. And remember that in between this time, you don't- give -up -the -cookie. Sex can and will complicate things break ups are hard, but breaking a soul tie is even harder. It's better to hold on to that 90-day rule as long as you can, to really get to know a person before jumping into things too quickly. Plus the harder it is for them to get it, the more they will cherish you once they have you. And you are a prize to be won dont let anyone tell you different.
Don't tell a guy what you like on a first date.
While you might have a 90 day rule men have a 2 week rule to get you in bed, dont fall for it. So for example, if you tell a man that you like flowers and chocolates. Please believe me he will give you flowers and chocolates on a weekly basis. And how many of us are guilty of thinking "wow hes so pefect he know exactly what I like" after a week of knowing a man, I promise you its a trap!! you have told him nothing about the type of man you need in your life. Instead, refer back to that list I mentioned to make earlier, some how to tell him in a casual way, the qualities you find most attractive in a man instead. For example, say that you find men who are caring, openminded goal orineted, family oriented and loyal to be very sexy. But saying this (not nessarily in that list formation) will get your date to think about how he can exhibit these qualities to you . He will think this is the road map to your heart that will lead inbetween your legs, which in reality it is, but he is also forced to recognize the type of man your looking for. Remember he can only prentend to be this person you need for so long, eventually his true colours will show if hes not the one.
This last tip is the most important tip of them all, its important to take as many saftey measures as possible. As much as we would like to believe that their are good people in this world there are also many sick people, that dont have our best intentions in mind. Never leave your drinks unattended and be completely aware of your surroundings. Make sure that a friend and or a family member knows the date, time and location of your date. And speaking of the location, have your location on when your in the uber, or even throught the night were someone can track your every move just incase something happens. These rules especially apply when if you met the person online. Its important to meet them at the venue and have a friend near by to save you, if things go wrong. In extreme cases, dont be recluctant to call 911 if your safety is jepordized. Arrive separately and leave separately, they should not be dropping or followig you home especially if this is the first time your meeting in person. And under no circumstances dont go to his house on the first date, crazy person alert or not, if your looking for something serious, nothing good could ever come from it.